There are things - at times - that I know God has asked me to do. OR a promise that God has put in place somewhere in the future of this life's journey. Yet, time passes, I wait, I wonder/imagine how it's going to come to fruition. Then somewhere in that waiting my impatient-humanity begins to boil. "We are our own worst critic." - In addition to my boiling impatience, a self-frustration begins to build at the fact that I am becoming impatient. Thus begins an inner-civil war! One side of me doubts, the other frustrated thinking, "How could I doubt!?" (Matt. 14:31) One side stakes a claim that the promise is too big, too impossible. The other side says, "Nothing is impossible." (Matt. 19:26). (These are the times I'm reminded of Cool Hand Luke's 2001 CD title "I fought against myself...and tore myself to pieces.").
What about the shepherd boy David, anointed king by the prophet Samuel while the current reigning king was still very much ALIVE!?
Saul, current reigning king of the great nation of Israel, has made poor and selfish decisions, abusing his authority as king. God tells the prophet Samuel it's time to anoint a new king - again regardless of of Saul still being alive and well! To everyone's surprise, including Samuel's, he is told to anoint the youngest of Jesse's eight sons a simple shepherd boy: David. The second he is anointed the Spirit of God - which has been acting more like a shield of protection - leaves Saul. Subsequently, Saul begins to be tormented and anguished by an evil spirit. The advisors and king call for a lovely-playing musician to be on standby; so that, whenever the king begins to be tormented the lyre shall be played and the king be relieved. Ironically, WHO IS THE HIRED MUSICIAN?: Shepherd boy, anointed king: David! (Initially, it's unbeknownst to Saul who David is.) David does nothing to intentionally intimidate Saul. However, with him living in close proximity, Saul soon discovers - through a series of exceptional events - that David is a threat to his kingship. Saul grows jealous of David, begins his own inner-civil war. One moment treating David like a son at his banquet table (1 Sam. 18:2; 20:25), the next moment hurling a spear to kill David (1 Sam. 18:11). This back and forth, went on for awhile until it became obvious that Saul had lost his inner-civil war to the "dark side" and wouldn't rest until David was dead.
What was Saul doing? He lost his anointing because he had selfishly reigned as king and became his own life's author. Now, AGAIN, he was being his own author. Out of jealousy, seeking to kill the new anointed king. Out of selfishness he was trying to change God's new anointed plan. In contrast to Saul, can you imagine David's inner battle? He nearly has an entire book dedicated to the script of his inner-civil war. Psalms! I can just imagine David thinking: "Am I king? Am I not king? Is Saul going to kill me? Is he not going to kill me? God, are you with me??".
I believe, a key difference between these two men is that Saul was after his own agenda with his own strength (1 Sam 13:13-14); while David was after God's agenda with all dependance on God ("A man after [God's] own heart."). We all have and will have our own inner battles, or as I call it our own "inner-civil war". Will we fight for God's promises to us on our OWN? (like Saul). OR will we lean and depend on God? Walking in perseverance, patience, and faith that He is the best and ALL-knowing Author? I do not want to be like the Jews of (about) 30 AC who tried to kill the Author (Acts 3:15), with self-righteousness, thinking I know best. I want to be like David. I want to be like Paul, "content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities." Because I can rest in knowing that I am not the Author of my life's story (if anything, I might be "co-author"). I can rest in knowing this promise reigns true:
"My grace is sufficient for you,
for my power is made perfect
in weakness"
-The Author
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